Didn't We Almost Have It All
by rebeccavis
Summary: "He doesn't look the same anymore, and neither does she. Fifteen years is a long time, especially in New York City." Dan/Blair one-shot set in the future.


_**A/N:** This is just a little one-shot that kind of wrote itself, now three days after the indescribable terribleness Gossip Girl Season 5 finale, and I named it after the song that kind of inspired it. I hope it might bring a little bit of happiness to all the Dair fans out there. Like you, I'm still hurting, but I know we can get through this together and still continue to enjoy our ship regardless. We're a team._

_Just as a warning, this is a little bit smutty towards the end but it's not graphic at all, so I deemed this a **T** and not an M.  
_

He doesn't look the same anymore, and neither does she. Fifteen years is a long time, especially in New York City. They've both gained a few wrinkles around their eyes, which don't sparkle with the same youth as they once had. His hair is shorter and so is hers, falling only to just above her shoulders now. She doesn't smile the way she used to, and she doesn't laugh the way she used to. She no longer seems as restrained, and she lets her laughter flow freely whenever he makes some lame joke or witty and slightly scathing comment about an article he's read in the newspaper. He's finally starting to feel like himself again, after an ugly divorce made even worse by the fact that he knew he shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. She knows what he's been through because she went through the same, years before he did. He knows for her it was even worse because at least in his marriage both parties had been gifted with respect for each other. She didn't talk about it much at first, but gradually he came to realise that walking out of a Bass marriage was the hardest thing she ever did.

They'd bumped into each other again by chance at a bookstore a year after Dan moved back to New York. It had surprised both of them how much of a breath of fresh air it had been to talk to each other again without lingering resentment, as if they really could start over. After that it kept happening again, and neither one of them was sure whether it was by accident or on purpose. They began to talk about their experiences, about the fairly old wound of her divorce and the fresh new one of his. They easily went back to visiting the Dia, to debating Chabrol versus Rohmer. That part had always been easy for them. They were friends, after all. Maybe even best friends. She didn't talk to Serena anymore and neither did he. His dad hadn't married again, but was living with a girlfriend who made him happier than Dan had ever seen him. Dan had an apartment on the Upper East Side that he'd bought after his sixth novel had become a bestseller, and Blair had hers that she'd bought after moving out of the one she'd shared with Chuck. He'd never written that book on the Upper East Side, the one he'd wanted to write when his heart had been broken at the age of twenty-one. He'd tried, but he couldn't. Because at the end of the day, he'd figured out that it wasn't the Upper East Side. It was just people being their broken, fractured, damaged selves, and that was the case in any borough or in any city in the world. The pain was ultimately replaced with numbness and that disappeared too, eventually. He carried on his life, made his own mistakes. He knows now that she did the same. And yet, they've found themselves together again. They've become friends who are able to count each other for mutual support, who are able to meet for coffee and talk and spend time at each other's apartments and not even care about Gossip Girl spreading rumours about them. Gossip Girl is a relic of the past. They even manage to get to a point where they can talk about their relationship, talk about what happened, make apologies, make amends. The possibility of them ever being lovers again doesn't enter his mind, but he does wonder sometimes if what they had really was as amazing as he remembers it to have been. She _knows_ that it was.

The kiss takes him by surprise. She's over at his apartment having eaten a meal cooked by him, and they're just doing the dishes together. He's using shampoo to wash the wine glasses - a trick he learnt from her - and she's drying and they're talking about nothing particularly significant. He's finished washing and she's still not quite finished drying, but he reaches to dry his hands on the dishcloth she's holding and all of a sudden their lips are pressed up against each other and he realises he'd almost forgotten how good it felt. She realises she'd almost forgotten how he tasted, the smell of his cologne, the feeling of running her hands through his hair. They barely pull away from each other and the kiss turns into another, and another, until the dishes have been abandoned to dry on their own and they're making their way towards his bedroom, peeling off layers of clothing on the way.

Their first time in fifteen years feels almost like their first time ever and yet he's learnt a lot since then, and so has she. They make love with her sitting in his lap while he's sat on the bed so her entire body is pressed against his and he can feel her shuddering when she comes, her head leaning against his shoulder as she moans in his ear and tips him over the edge just after her. They do it again later that night, and if possible it's even more incredible. Another thing he'd apparently forgotten is how much he liked hearing her say his name as if was the only word she could speak. Another thing she'd apparently forgotten was the way he looked at her when he was buried inside her, like nothing else in the entire world mattered.

The best part is waking up next to her in the morning. She looks beautiful and so peaceful lying on her side of the bed that he's thankful that she starts to stir on her own, since he's not sure he could bring himself to wake her up.

"Good morning," he greets her as she looks up at him, "Well, that was…"

"Shhh," she says, pressing a finger to his lips. This is one thing she feels doesn't need to be over-analysed. "It was perfect," she tells him.

His response is to lean in and kiss her gently. He wraps an arm around her and pulls her in close. He feels as if he doesn't want to be anywhere else as they lie in blissful silence, but there's still that lingering question in his mind that won't go away.

"What now, Blair?" he asks her softly as he turns to look at her, and she smiles.

"Now we find out," she whispers before leaning in for another kiss.


End file.
